Blood calls to blood... time for renewal?

A lot of pressures have finally come to a head in my skull as I tried to play tonight.

I got a total of 128 xp out of a death level that should have netted me almost 1000 if not muffed.

I muffed it bad because I was trying to talk to several different people at the same time and didn't focus well enough on fighting my Charr group once they were leveled close enough to get me some experience. Not just one, which I sometimes get on a bad day, but 4 of 10 bled to death because I mistimed Sever Artery/Gash when both the monster and I were too close to death.

It made me think about a lot of things. Why I've been so stressed whenever I log into GW, why I don't seem to be enjoying myself as much as I used to... and why so many of the familiar faces that made the guild seem like home, as well as several of the new ones who struck me as very promising, have disappeared.

As some of you may know, I became a DWR officer solely because I'm a nice guy and I was able to recruit the kind of players who like to game and have positive attitudes. Heck, no one wants idiots for guildmates, and rude idiots are just bonus annoyance. Trust me, I've met plenty in outposts and missions, and I bet you have too.

But all these wonderful people keep leaving, and I keep wondering, What am _I_ personally failing to do to keep their enthusiasm up? I have a tendency to take everything personally--especially when in a leadership role... just ask my current Geek Squad boss, who has watched me do my former boss's job for him the entire time I've been employed there. I can't shake this feeling that I'm not giving something, some crucial element that makes the guild gel the way I seem to remember it when I first said "Yes" to Odin's invite.

Tonight was especially trying because first Kyrios and I had a lengthy discussion about these same issues and what could be done about them. We also discussed my suitability for an officer position--remember, I'm not a possessor of any cool titles yet, haven't even beat one campaign or driven one character all the way to level 20... am I really qualified for the role? He says my recruiting ability and enthusiasm are all that's needed. But something happened right after he logged off that drove the point really home, in the manner of a stake through a vampire's heart. One of my newer guild mates needed help. He was trying to get Kurzick faction for an armor upgrade. I couldn't party with him, which was too bad because his original group STANK hard, as evidenced by his commentary on the guild line. He begged me for money to augment his gear... I had no character available in the Factions campaign to meet him, and besides, I only have 1K in storage in post and 13K on one character in pre--he needed 25K. He begged for a loan or gift of even moderately decent equipment. The best stuff I have is on my (seeming like perma-)pre warrior primary character, and frankly it sucks compared to even half good eq in post. Finally I turned to alliance chat myself asking if someone _more useful_ than I could assist the poor boy. I got an immediate response from three different people... but it was too late, he had already logged off in disgust.

I'm trying not to cringe inside as I know what I'll see if I look at the status window in the morning... "Name Changed to Protect the Innocent" has left the guild.

...

I think I've taken on too much way too soon. Just because I end up ruling hard core at every game I've ever played in the past does not mean I've played this one for more than two months. I give away equipment, dye, runes like candy to people I think can benefit from it more than the 26 gold I'd get from a merchant. And because I do that I'm broke cashwise, behind equipmentwise, lower level than I ought to be, and an embarrassment to guild officers everywhere. I can't help but wonder if some of the decline we were talking about is really directly my own fault for talking too much instead of training myself.

I'm too tired from another long discussion with a couple of senior alliance people about my fitness to log back in now. When I wake up, I'm going to demote myself to normal member, at least temporarily. I need to get my act together before I try any longer to pretend leadership ability just based on my social skills. Guild officers have to be able to help people. I can't even help myself. Yet. AGED is a strong alliance and it deserves DWR at full strength, strength I may have reduced, however inadvertently.

Maybe the time will be soon when I feel truly ready for the job of being an officer. Maybe it will be much later. Wish me luck. I'll still give my all for my guildmates in the meantime--to the limit of my sorry abilities, at any rate.

As a former member of DWR and concerned alliance member, I do not want to see your guild fall apart.

History is repeating itself. I left because I felt I had the need to improve this guild, but not the ability. Sable is getting it worse that I did. WORSE. And I LEFT THE GUILD under less pressure than Sable showed tonight. Whether I was right is up to you to decide. I am warning you: If nobody steps up to share the burden Sable will be overwhelmed. I refuse to waste a good man, so if you cannot retain him as an officer I will.

You have a choice here. Sable is committed to DWR so much that he may have to leave. If my own actions and experiences are any guide, this is a serious problem for your entire guild. Throughout my officership we had a considerable problem with members leaving. It appears to have gotten worse. WORSE. If anything I hear is true, something must be done. I am just a member of the Alliance now. YOU must choose what happens next.

This game is supposed to be fun. Keeping a community alive takes work, but for the right person that work is rewarding. Trust me, having a good community is worth the effort and makes Guild Wars more than just an ordinary single-player game. You have one, now keep it.

In the meantime, HOD is recruiting friendly active members. I sincerely hope I don't have to steal people from what was until recently my own guild, but Sable is not the only person I refuse to waste. Do what you feel is best for you, as a member, just please give us a chance to straighten things out before abandoning your alliance. I intend to learn from our mistakes, and hope we will be better because of it.

I present to you, DWR, what I see as the bloody and disgusting truth. It's better that you see it for what it is, rather than illusions. If you have evidence or experience that contradicts what I am saying, please do share it. Together, we can find a cure to this problem. Excuse me for interfering, but I know way too much not to care.

Sable I believe we need two different kinds of officers. One kind of officer would be the kind that helps people get stuff. However I also believe its not just the officers job to help if someone asks. The members should also help. The second kind of officer is one which I believe you have been fulfilling. I think you have done an excellent job as an officer. Your the kind of officer that can keep the guild fun, and keep the chat going. If we don't have people talking in the guild, then we are just a guild for people to say hey i'm in a guild. I believe we are aspiring to create a friendly if not almost family like guild. Aren't we? If not then honestly I don't know why many of us are here.

Most of the first kinds of officers only play the game and help others when they ask. They don't talk that much in the chat and thats a problem. The other leader talks a lot and achieves a friendly atmosphere, but doesn't get far in the game. It's something they have to work on. I'll be glad to help you get farther in the game when we are both on. But I believe you should still be active in the chat. One thing that might help is to tell people that your about to do a mission and can't talk for awhile. And then once you beat it tell everyone and jump back in the chat. This way you can get farther and still be active on the chat.

Thank you to all the current and former members of the guild who have taken the time to post, PM, or whisper me some words of encouragement.

Over the last week or so, I've had it pointed out to me by several fellow players, including my wife, that if I treat the game as a job, I'm losing the value I originally bought it for--enjoyment and relaxation. Now don't get me wrong, it's very possible to have fun at work, and I do myself most days. I like to fix things and teach people, and that's what I do for a living. But when I'm enjoying myself more at work than I do at home playing, and I start to feel stressed out from "doing a job" online while I'm supposed to be relaxing... well, I know I'm taking it too seriously. As always seems to happen in a game I really like.

I'm too social to go entirely guildless. (That, and there are no henchmen in pre-searing, and the ones in post-searing suck hard core, so having a human to play with now and then is pretty well mandatory.) I'll give it a few more days, maybe a week, to percolate through my brain, then make a decision about whether I'll stay here or go elsewhere. If I do change guilds I'm not going to be requesting or accepting officer status right away... I need more seasoning. I can still use my social skills to keep things lively on guild chat, and if the guild I am in is active enough I can still help recruit even if I am not an officer, because there will always be someone who is online who can send that invite. Additionally, if I do leave I will be joining one of the other guilds in the AGED alliance, mostly because I get the feeling that certain people are possessive enough of me that they would hunt me down and grief me if I went somewhere else. *coughOdincough* Thus, you will most likely still hear from me if you have the alliance chat line turned on.

So I will not be leaving GW in any case. I will continue to accept feedback and advice on this matter for at least another couple of days. If anyone has something to add, post it here or tell me while I'm logged in. You have all been good friends to me and I recommend you add me to your friend list if you haven't already; that way if I do go to a different guild, you will still know I'm online and can pester me.

*throws various herbs on Sable*

Quote :

I need more seasoning.

Yes Sable, if you were to leave I would send one of my Valkyries to go find you. Alas, she would take "no" for an answer--Awesome people like Sable deserve free will, not just status as Odin's favorite minion. That's why Caren has a Flesh Golem

Take a vacation from being officer, think about where your loyalties lie, stand under Odin's pepper shaker, and come back with a better taste in your mouth. Works for me.

This is a game. Let's make it fun. I can't control whether DWR stands for Death Without Remorse or Degenerating Without a Reason, but I can try to cheer up the people I have become friends with.

Get Well Soon, Sable

Ironically, I took the Final Fantasy Character test, and got told--

"You are SQUALL, cold and antisocial."



Well, that tells us loads about the importance of accurate test design if you want valid results. (Sorry, still channeling my Research Methodologies instructor of a few years back.)

I'm at work right now, and after a long philosophical discussion related in no way, shape, or form to GW with one of my managers, I've made up my mind. I will be leaving DWR the next time I log on. Over the last few days when I've been on, I've had some very enjoyable interactions with alliance members from AGED, GoRF, and HOD, but the only person in DWR I've seen logged in who actually even talked to me was my younger brother. Somehow I find that... unfulfilling. On the other hand, I did enjoy taking some time to kick butt with my former mule, who actually now is at level 11--no mean feat for about one day worth of actual playing time in Pre-Searing, where xp is tough to come by (the time he's spent logged on holding or transferring stuff I'm thinking doesn't really count).

I apologize to all those I've let down in the past by not being the god my PR team would have you believe I am.

I apologize to all those who will feel let down now and in the future because I chose to look after my own happiness for a while, something about which I normally forget to be concerned.

But I won't apologize for wanting to have some fun. It is why I bought the game, after all.

This isn't goodbye. As I said earlier, I'm not quitting GW, not even quitting the alliance. I'm just returning to noob status for a while. Put "Sigismund Sable" in your friends list and say hi every once in a while. Or more often than that if you're not too busy doing something more interesting than talking to the Sable. If I can continue to get off one successful death level every two days, I calculate it should be less than two months before I can go post with Sig and start actually exploring the rest of the game. Then it will be party time. And dungeon time, and AB time, and...

/wave

As a long time Guild Leader and officer in my 7 year EQ career *yes it was a job at times* and in many various stints in Wow (2 years) Vanguard SoH and other online games. The officers are always the ones that tend to do more/care more about the workings of the guild.

I was recruited by Sable, whom took the time to answer my n00b questions in open chat. Helped point me in the right direction and then politely asked if I would like to join the guild. He wasnt spamming the screen with guild invites, just asked if I would like to join the guild to see if I would fit in and to get advice from others. Experience in this game is what I lack at this point, I dont think my abilties as a player/character are an issue. Just game knowledge.

I accepted the invite, for the most part I would say that the guild chat seems to be light to say the least. I have only had the oppertunity to group with a few folks, and truthfully find myself grouped with a few friends from other guilds I have met along the way.

I dont know what advice to give you except this Sable. If it were me I would consider that deep inside you like to be in the role you are in, as such with that comes the cost of managing chat/leadership/fun all at the same time. Try not to take it personal if someone is asking for 25k or to be run around in the game. Thats really IMO not what your job is. It may help those who want to get further in the game, but it isnt really what is a role of an officer... IMO only.

Enjoy the game, if it doesnt work that way take a break from your current *Way* of doing what you do when you log in.

Most important remember you didnt go to a video game store look at a shelf and say which one of these games will frustrate me the worst when picking up GW.... =)


Rolena
Tasha 20 R/Rt
And 5 other various 15ish level characters...

Wow, good thing I logged in here today. I wanted to test out whether a member can delete a topic when he/she is the sole contributor to the topic. I found Rolena.

Sable is in HOD now, and probably won't be reading many forums. He registered for mine in hopes of less stressful times, intending to check it more when less burnt out. I intend to relay your message to him.

Interestingly enough I didn't miss anything. Nothing new other than this had been posted since I last logged in, easily over a week ago.

You are welcome to add various members of HOD to your friends list, and you are also welcome to join us. I have already made enough sales pitches on this forum and will not burden you with another one.

HOD is currently home to quite a few people lacking game experience. I find that I am the third most experienced person in my guild, behind only Fire and Lister. Not only that, I am no further than they are in Nightfall and am split across 4 campaigns. I can no longer discuss DWR in the present tense, but I know what you are saying from seeing it in my own guild. Heck, even Sable and Kindras lack game knowledge like you do. This is not to say you have to join us, but nonetheless I know what you feel.

Guild Wars should not be a frustration. If it is, change something. That's what I did.

~Odin

PS: For what it's worth, I have met my match on my own forum. A forum junkie called Shadowbane has been keeping pace with everything I write, quite a few posts a day. Not only that, we have Kindras posting frequently and several others as well. Goodbye "Most Prolific Forum Poster" title track...